i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
two words: eviction party
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
