i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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