My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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