u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I supernannyed him into submission
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize