the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
