God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
