grandma shit on top of the toilet
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
