p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
