i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
