I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
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I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
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In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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