I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
