god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
