I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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