smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
either way he was missing a nipple.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
