Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
