I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
