yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
