i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
