I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
