Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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