i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
