i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
