I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
