My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
