i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
