atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
