Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
