She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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