His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
