If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
