I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
