Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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