Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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