I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
