Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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