I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
