he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
