My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
