bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She told me I should be a condom model.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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