Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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