dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
