so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
