what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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