tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
