Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
