I CAN MOONWALK!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
