hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
