it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This baby is an asshole
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
