Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
