Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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