In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think I won the penis lottery.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
