this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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