I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
