I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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