I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
