Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
