You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
