kristin has been a bad kristin
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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