I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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