So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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