whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
