If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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