Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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