I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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