ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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