I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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