i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
