i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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