If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
