I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
