god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
