I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
