If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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