Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.

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(912): View more from Georgia

That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.

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(519): View more from Ontario

My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!

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(818): View more from California

On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?

(1-818): View more from California

I'm about a 7.95

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(410): View more from Maryland

Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.

(1-410): View more from Maryland

Um, OK. WTF?

(410): View more from Maryland

The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN

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(727): View more from Florida

How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"

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(845): View more from New York

I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.

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