that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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