you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
