ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
