drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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