Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
