i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
