Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
this just has baby written all over it
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
